I am never someone to take money from someone just because. I see tons of Trans* men apply a donation to their blogs or anything else for their top surgeries. I’m not sure what they give back though. I’ll never be one of those. I have nothing against them, but it is just who I am. I understand how much this means to those guys. I just have to repay people, or work for it. 

I really do want to start making all of these necklaces for people. If I start now, and spark up a store on Etsy, I would only have to sell 500 of them at $20 a piece to make my goal. I would have to put it away in a bank account and never touch it besides for shipping costs. I mean, that is beautiful. I would make other types of necklaces, and bracelets (that would be cheaper) to see how that goes. I know 500 is a huge goal, but I think I can do this. 

I also really want to help other Trans*/genderqueer if I do make my goal. I want to help them with theirs, and sell and donate money to their surgeries, or testosterone. Of course I would have to make sure they were a 100% sure mentally and physically that they are ready for it. Ari wants to make these dolls (and possibly sell them both together), and I think we both can pull this off. I know we can. 

Come to think of it, 500 is really not that much. I understand $20 is sort of steep, but I’ll make sure they are worth it. Even if I have to write a hand written note inside and something special.

Stay motivated, Charlie. Let’s do this. Chin up out of the water and stay afloat. You’ll be alright. No one can hold you back. Push. Push. Push. Do not get discouraged if this does not take off as much as you want it to. Anything will help. 

Job (or two). Therapy. Working out. Gaining confidence. Necklaces and other things. Money. Top Surgery. Testosterone (in question on how much). Work with my mother to her better accepting me. 

Yes! 

So I think I am going to start selling personalized necklaces, or any necklaces. I’ll let you know when, how much, and where you can buy them. 

(Source: charliexxx)

Lately I have been considering T more and more due to the fact that being misgendered is becoming overwhelming. I am exhausted of only being able to be myself for a couple of hours while I am in my room. It has gotten to the point where I am just stumbling backwards in this process. 

I still feel as if I have not came out to my mother. Nothing is being further discussed, or anything. I am just slowly climbing back into my shell and hiding away from everyone. I did not want to expect anything from her, but I guess I did. I expected her to ask me how it is going, or if I am doing better mentally with it. I mean, just spark up a conversation about it so I do not feel so alone in this. 

My binder is beginning to annoy me. It has gotten to the point where I see guys in tank tops, and I almost feel like breaking down. I just want to be able to be myself. That is all I am asking. 

Things are just becoming more than I can take again.